Book Covers, Edited and/or Published by Richard Thomas

I wanted to start a list of the beautiful book covers that I’ve either edited or published or both. I hope you enjoy the art and if you want more information, I’ve included links to Amazon, for those books that are already on the website. They are in reverse chronological order.

UPDATED: January 30, 3014

TO COME: Exigencies, edited by Richard Thomas (anthology)
Publisher: Dark House Press
Release Date: March 2015
Stories by David James Keaton, Letitia Trent, Kevin Catalano, Usman Malik, Faith Gardner, Axel Taiari, Pela Via, Kenneth Cain, Amanda Gowin, Jason Metz, Joshua Blair, Rebecca-Jones Howe, Brendan Detzner, Sarah Read, Bill Johnson, Barbara Duffey, Adam Peterson, Marytza Rubio, Nathan Beauchamp, Heather Foster, Alex Kane, and Mark Jaskowski.

Cover_TDYMAYO

The Doors You Mark Are Your Own by Okla Elliott and Raul Clement (novel, trilogy)
Publisher: Dark House Press
Cover Design: George C. Cotronis
Release Date: March 2015

TO COME: The Lineup: 25 Provocative Women Writers, edited by Richard Thomas (anthology)
Publisher: Black Lawrence Press
Foreword: Cheryl Strayed.
Release Date: August 2014
Stories by Holly Goddard Jones, Amelia Gray, Lindsay Hunter, Roxane Gay, Tina May Hall, Ethel Rohan, Monica Drake, Amber Sparks, Gina Frangello, Laura van den Berg, Jac Jemc, Janet Mitchell, Shannon Cain, Kim Chinquee, Jessica Hollander, Mary Miller, Kathy Fish, Paula Bomer, Karen Brown, Stacey Levine, Amina Gautier, Claire Vaye Watkins, Nina McConigley, Elizabeth Ellen, and xTx.

Cover_ATPLHGO

After the People Lights Have Gone Off by Stephen Graham Jones (stories)
Publisher: Dark House Press
Introduction: Joe R. Lansdale
Cover Design: George C. Cotronis
Interior Illustrations: Luke Spooner
Release Date: July 2014

Pageflex Persona [document: PRS0000026_00001]

Burnt Tongues, edited by Chuck Palahniuk, Richard Thomas, and Dennis Widmyer (anthology)
Publisher: Medallion Press
Introduction: Chuck Palahniuk
Cover Design: Jay Shaw
Release Date: August 12, 2014
Stories by Neil Krolicki, Chris Lewis Carter, Gayle Towell, Tony Liebhard, Michael De Vito, Jr., Tyler Jones, Phil Jourdan, Richard Lemmer, Amanda Gowin, Matt Egan, Fred Venturini, Brandon Tietz, Adam Skorupskas, Bryan Howie, Brien Piechos, Jason M. Fylan, Terence James Eeles, Keith Buie, Gus Moreno, and Daniel W. Broallt.

Cover_ECHOLAKE

Echo Lake by Letitia Trent (novel)
Publisher: Dark House Press
Design/Layout: Alban Fischer
Photography: Helena Kvarnstrom
Release Date: July 8, 2014

Cover_TNB

The New Black, edited by Richard Thomas (anthology)
Foreword: Laird Barron
Publisher: Dark House Press
Design/Layout: Alban FischerRelease
Interior Illustrations: Luke Spooner
Date: May 13, 2014
Stories by: Brian Evenson, Stephen Graham Jones, Craig Clevenger, Paul Tremblay, Lindsay Hunter, Roxane Gay, Kyle Minor, Benjamin Percy, Roy Kesey, Craig Davidson, Matt Bell, Richard Lange, Micaela Morrissette, Joe Meno, Vanessa Veselka, Nik Korpon, Antonia Crane, Rebecca Jones-Howe, Tara Laskowski, and Craig Wallwork.

Complete List of Online Interviews with Richard Thomas

This is a list of all of the interviews that I’ve done online over
the years, in reverse chronological order.

Last Updated: January 15, 2014

At This Is Horror by Michael Wilson (1/15/14)

At The Time Warriors by Owen Quinn (12/10/13)

At Radikal News by Renato Bratkovic (12/2/13)

At Cease, Cows by Heather L. Nelson (9/12/13)

At Solarcide by Martin Garrity (6/7/2013)

At Mourning Goats by The Goat (5/10/2013)

At Ginger Nuts of Horror by Jim Mcleod (4/4/2013)

At Midwestern Gothic by Robert James Russell (4/2/2013)

At The Qwillery by Sally Janin (3/22/2013)

At Unnecessary Musings by J.A. Beard (3/15/2013)

At Creative Writing Help by Tracey Tressa (3/8/2013)

At Leah Rhyne’s blog by Leah Rhyne (2/22/2013)

At Out of the Gutter by Ryan Sayles (10/11/2012)

At The Slaughterhouse by Richard Godwin (4/30/2012)

At Slit Your Wrists Magazine by Laurance Kitts (4/14/2012)

At Jay Slayton-Joslin’s blog by Jay Slayton-Joslin (2/15/2012)

At Solarcide by Nathan Pettigrew (1/26/2012)

At Sea Minor by Nigel Bird (6/21/2011)

At PANK by Roxane Gay (4/22/2011)

At Yahoo Voices by Brian Alaspa (2/8/2011)

At Leodegraunce by Jolie du Pre (1/3/2011)

At The Write Place by Simon West-Bulford (10/28/2010)

At Word Riot by Pela Via (10/15/2010)

At 3:AM Magazine by Gregory Frye (9/28/2010)

At Bitten by Books by Rachel Smith (7/19/2010)

At The Cult by Brandon Tietz (3/30/2010)

At Craig Wallwork’s blog by Craig Wallwork (1/26/2009)

New Column: THE WORD is now live at ManArchy Magazine

So, I always leap at the chance to work with brilliant and talented people. So when Pela Via asked me to do something for ManArchy Magazine, I said, “Sure. Watchoo want?” We talked a little bit about it. I already do book reviews for The Nervous Breakdown, and a column on writing for Lit Reactor. So what else could we do? I still wanted to talk about books, if possible, as well as other cool things that have been informing and infecting my life, and my writing. We ended up with THE WORD. The first column talks about Sriracha, The Olympics, Adventure Time, Justified, and The Rumpus Letters. I hope you enjoy it, and while you’re at it, spread THE WORD. Ha, see how that worked out?

“The Jenny Store” in the Thunderdome Press anthology In Search of a City: Los Angeles in 1,000 words is now out

So excited to be in here with my story “The Jenny Store.” This is a beautiful book. Inspired by photographs taken around the Los Angeles area, the book features short stories from 26 authors. Each author was asked to select a photograph from a collection taken by the editor and write a story of precisely 1,000 words inspired by what they saw – no more, no less. The result is quintessential Los Angeles: Dreams, Drugs, Hallucinations, Romance, Life and Death, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Horror, and Redemption. Like the city itself, the book is multifaceted, hard to label and even harder to put down.

CONTENTS

Ryan Wilson – “American Trash”
Stuart Gibbel – “Break on Through”
Craig Clevenger – “Obsolescence”
Nik Korpon – “South of Thirteen”
Dennis Cruz – “Smile Now, Cry Later”
Pela Via – “Bathhouse”
Stephen Conley – “Don’t Feed the Animals”
Grigori Black – “This Was Heaven”
Doc O’Donnell – “Your Personal Apocalypse”
Nikki Guerlain – “Sick Ticket”
Patrick Verhagen – “Swim”
Craig Wallwork – “El Bordello Alexandra”
Nicholas Merlin Karpuk – “Ahm’s Bay”
Nik Houser – “Subtitles for a Silent Film”
H.R. Tardiff – “Walls in the Sand”
Richard Thomas – “The Jenny Store”
Bob Pastorella – “Alexandra”
Simon West-Bulford – “Project Asmodeus”
Jay Slayton-Joslin – “The Fantasy of California vs. The Reality of London”
Amanda Gowin – “Gilded Bones”
Chris Deal – “Padre Nuestro”
Boden Steiner – “Here”
Gordon Highland – “Fry Girl”
edward j rathke – “All the Dreams You Dreamt Retold”
Michael Paul Gonzalez – “Tidal”
Victor Bengtsson – “Venice, Forever”

Podcasts – An Update of My Recorded Work

If you’re not absolutely sick of hearing my voice, here’s some stuff to consider—podcasts! With so much going on these days, I thought I’d post up some of my podcasts that I’ve done over the last couple of years. Two places that you should for sure keep on your lists, and subscribe to if possible (iTunes, etc.) are the Velvet Podcast series and the Booked Podcasts,who are currently running a series on the Warmed and Bound authors. Lots of great information and entertainment at both of these sites, so be sure to bookmark, get your RSS Feed on, whatever.

1. Episode 16: Great Writers Edit. Bad Writers Discuss Editing on a Podcast.

I join authors Caleb J. Ross (Stranger Will), Gordon Highland (Major Inversions) and Gavin Pate (The Way to Get Here). Nobody enjoys editing, but we all go at it differently.
Don’t mind the tornadoes in the background. I was hiding in the basement for a bit, if you notice me dropping off the recording for awhile.

VELVET PODCAST 016

2. Richard Thomas Booked Podcast Inverview

I join Livius Nedin and Robb Ols0n over at Booked Podcast to talk about Warmed and Bound, and a lot of other stuff: my novel Transubstantiate,
The Cult, Speedloader and my reviewing at The Nervous Breakdown. Great time.

BOOKED PODCAST SESSION 023

3. Episode 008: Don’t Pull My Hair Unless You Mean It

I join writers Nik Korpon (Stay God), Pela Via (Warmed and Bound) and Nic Young to grind out the topic of sex and violence in fiction
and their complex relationship to sadistic bedfellows, love and shock.

VELVET PODCAST 008

4. AWP Live Reading at Leela’s (Denver, Colorado)

Live reading from my novel Transubstantiate.

DENVER READING

5. BOOKS AND BOOZE

Questions and answers. You know the drill.

Warmed and Bound: A Velvet Anthology releases TODAY—go get it!

Warmed and Bound is out. And for a LIMITED TIME, until 7/30 it is 38% off at Barnes and Noble ONLY. Amazon and eBooks will be out later. So it’s only $9.74 right now! Buy two or three!

Table of Contents

Intro: Steve Erickson
Death Juggler by Axel Taiari
Click-Clack by Caleb J Ross
The World Was Clocks by Amanda Gowin
Mantodea by Matt Bell
All the Acid in the World by Gavin Pate
Crazy Love by Cameron Pierce
Chance the Dick by Paul G Tremblay
Soccer Moms and Pro Wrestler Dads by Bradley Sands
Take Arms Against a Sea by Mark Jaskowski
This Will All End Well by Nik Korpon
Midnight Souls by Christopher J Dwyer
The Tree of Life by Edward J Rathke
The Killer by Brian Evenson
Headshot by Gordon Highland
Inside Out by Sean Ferguson
Laws of Virulence by Jeremy Robert Johnson
Bruised Flesh by Craig Wallwork
Bad, Bad, Bad Bad Men by Craig Davidson
Three Theories on the Murder of John Wily by by J David Osborne
The Road Lester Took by Stephen Graham Jones
My German Daughter by Nic Young
What Was There Inside the Child by Blake Butler
Seed by Gayle Towell
They Take You by Kyle Minor
The Redemption of Garvey Flint by Vincent Louis Carrella
Blood Atonement by DeLeon DeMicoli
The Liberation of Edward Kellor by Anthony David Jacques
Act of Contrition by Craig Clevenger
Say Yes to Pleasure by Richard Thomas
The Weight of Consciousness by Tim Beverstock
If You Love Me by Doc O’Donnell
Touch by Pela Via
Love by JR Harlan
Practice by Bob Pastorella
Fading Glory by Brandon Tietz
Little Deaths by Gary Paul Libero
We Sing the Bawdy Electric by Rob Parker
In Exile by Chris Deal

Warmed and Bound Cover Art

Finally revealed, the cover and back of the Warmed and Bound (Velvet Press) anthology. Looks SO good. I’m honored to be in here. Great job, Pela. Also, just announced that Steve Erickson has written the foreword. WOW. Who ELSE is in here? Oh man, where to start?

Pela Via flashes the literary world

One of my favorite female voices, Pela Via, is somebody who is unafraid of tension, loss, sexuality, love, and the deranged mind of a femme fatale, is writing a bunch of flash stories, 31 before her birthday. She’s on #9 right now, and these are classic Pela, so much fun to read, always surprising, always entertaining, twisted and dark, emotional and thoughtful. Head over now.

“Released” is now live at Outsider Writers Collective

Released

My troublesome child “Released” is now live at Outsider Writers Collective.

“Released”

FROM THE EDITOR:
“Released” by Richard Thomas
by Pela Via

“I lie on the soft floor, arms numb, darkness wrapping around me like a tight jacket.”

This story gives a good taste of Richard’s longer work—it’s concentrated, dense and visual, and it’s eerily smart. There are layers to his stories, something to gratify and disturb every part of one’s brain. Masterful insanity in prose that charms, I’d fear him if he wasn’t so goddamn likable.

Complete List of Online Stories

This is a Table of Contents for all of my current, LIVE fiction that is available online for FREE. Below are each of the stories, a brief synopsis, and a link to the site that hosts them. They are in reverse chronological order.

What do all of these stories have in common? I tend to write about the darker aspects of life, and am fascinated by what happens when things fall apart, how we handle life when it throws us a curve ball, the dysfunction in everyday life, how we rebel against the rules of society, and what goes on in the middle of the night.

Last Updated: April 2, 2014

TABLE OF CONTENTS:

“Tinkering With the Moon”
GOREYESQUE
SYNOPSIS: When a little boy misses his father, he’d do anything to reunite with him.
TINKERING WITH THE MOON

“Bury Me Deep”
THE BIG ADIOS
SYNOPSIS: Out in the wild west, there lurk shadows and dark deeds, all done under the blazing sun for God and all to witness.
BURY ME DEEP

“Love Letters”
CEASE, COWS
SYNOPSIS: The things we do for love are often very destructive.
LOVE LETTERS

“Wicker Park Pause
REVOLT DAILY
SYNOPSIS: What exactly is her mother doing at night, the scratch marks at the back door provide a clue.
WICKER PARK PAUSE

“Flowers for Jessica”
MAYDAY MAGAZINE
SYNOPSIS: How far would you go to bring your loved one back from the dead?
FLOWERS FOR JESSICA

“Vision Quest”
PARABLE PRESS
SYNOPSIS: When a violent car accident takes his family, one man starts having visions.
VISION QUEST

“Divining”
REVOLT DAILY
SYNOPSIS: Sometimes, no matter how much our alarm bells go off, we still pursue somebody that we know is bad for us.
DIVINING

“Fix-It Man”
BLACK HEART MAGAZINE
SYNOPSIS: When a man falls apart, disconnects from his wife and son, what gesture can he make as he disintegrates?
FIX-IT MAN

“Kiss Off”
PARABLE PRESS
SYNOPSIS: Based on a Violent Femmes song of the same name, a man falls apart in ten fractured moments.
KISS OFF

“Ten Steps”
THE DYING GOOSE
SYNOPSIS: How many steps does it take to turn an innocent soul into a serial killer? For some, it takes ten steps.
TEN STEPS

“Something’s Broken”
FLYWHEEL MAGAZINE
SYNOPSIS: You fix it if you can, whatever’s broken. Because once somebody else picks the pieces up, once somebody else fixes it—it’s no longer yours.
SOMETHING’S BROKEN

“On a Bent Nail Head”
NOVA PARADE (anthology from Solarcide)
SYNOPSIS: A husband and wife trying to have a baby make a deal—no matter what happens when they die, they will stay together.
ON A BENT NAIL HEAD

“Bringing In the Sheaves”
BEAT THE DUST
SYNOPSIS: Are we born flawed, sinners in our hearts, or does the world just beat us into submission?
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES 

“Vision Quest”
SURREAL GROTESQUE
SYNOPSIS: When a violent car accident takes his family, one man starts having visions.
VISION QUEST (ISSUU direct)

“Charlotte Sometimes”
ZOUCH
SYNOPSIS: Charlotte needs to escape sometimes.
CHARLOTTE SOMETIMES
[Sixth place winner of the Zouch Lit Bits Fiction contest]

“Dyer”
BEAT TO A PULP
SYNOPSIS: Four perspectives on the same evening, truth and lies mingling in the shadows.
DYER

“Jimmy Five Ways”
PUNCHNEL’S
SYNOPSIS: A wife, a son, a mistress, a partner and a man named Jimmy—five ways.
JIMMY FIVE WAYS
[One of the five winners of the Punchnel's Hard-Boiled Down Noir Fiction contest]

“The Handyman”
CONJECTURAL FIGMENTS
SYNOPSIS: What makes us human and what makes us inhuman?
THE HANDYMAN

“Misty”
MANARCHY
SYNOPSIS: The woman that shows up at my apartment door is not everything that she seems. She is less, and more.
MISTY

“Death Knell”
THUNDERDOME
SYNOPSIS: A companion piece to “Say Yes to Pleasure” which was in the Warmed and Bound anthology, this story shows the opposite side of the coin, the POV of the victim, and how she dealt with the tragedy that descended upon her.
DEATH KNELL

“Twenty Reasons to Stay and One to Leave”
METAZEN
SYNOPSIS: When something tragic happens, do you stay or do you leave? Sometimes you stay for a long time, only to realize that leaving would be less cruel.
TWENTY REASONS TO LEAVE AND ONE TO STAY
[Nominated for a Pushcart Prize.]

“Love Letters”
CANNOLI PIE
EXCERPT: “It started with the paper, tearing it apart into little pieces, pressing it into tiny balls and popping the crumpled words into her mouth.”
LOVE LETTERS

“Seeing Red”
CRIME FACTORY
SYNOPSIS: When you drive around town like the world owes you, sometimes that payment comes home to rest. When you see red, that’s blood my friend.
SEEING RED

“Daybreak”
STEPAWAY MAGAZINE
SYNOPSIS: Sometimes you walk away from it all. Or maybe you’re walking towards something. Either way, be complete in your transformation.
DAYBREAK

“After She Has Gone”
SHOTGUN HONEY
SYNOPSIS: When she takes it all, and you’re left with nothing but despair, what do you do? Suicide is an option—and as you wander the woods in search of a tomb, the darkness speaks to you the truth.
AFTER SHE HAS GONE

“Ten Steps”
CHIZINE (THE CHIAROSCURO)
SYNOPSIS: How many steps does it take to turn an innocent soul into a serial killer? For some, it takes ten steps.
[TEMPORARY/GONE]

“Victimized”
Amazon and Smashwords (.99 cents)
SYNOPSIS: IIn the near future, Annabelle lives a fractured life, haunted by the shadows of her past, dark moments of abuse and freedom at the hands of her own kin. She has the opportunity to get into a boxing ring and fight her oppressor, to face the man that altered her, to beat him down with all of her rage. This is the way things are now, society given the chance to take on the murderers, the rapists, those that have tainted their lives, hurt their family, destroyed what was innocent and pure. Preparing to go to battle, Belle taps into her true identity, and changes, a warrior entering battle, unwilling to hesitate, ready to kill.
To buy at the Amazon Kindle Store, click here.
To buy at Smashwords, click here (Nook and all other formats).

“Splintered”
PANK
SYNOPSIS: In real life, there are paths to take, sometimes you have a choice, some times you do not. In this adult “choose-your-own” ending adventure it’s up to you whether or not to be parnoid or to trust, to be innocent, or just a fool.
SPLINTERED

“Released”
OUTSIDER WRITERS COLLECTIVE
SYNOPSIS: We often question who we are, and in our minds, we are many people. We are fathers, sons, and brothers, we are friends, lovers and enemies, we are farmers, pastors, and teachers. Sometimes it gets a bit crowded in there.
RELEASED

“Stephen King Ate My Brain”
NEFARIOUS MUSE
SYNOPSIS: I was out east in Bangor, Maine when I ran into the King. No, not Elvis, Stephen King. He offered me a deal, a once in a lifetime deal. So I took it.
STEPHEN KING ATE MY BRAIN

“Everything is Beautiful” – Part Two
TROUBADOUR 21
SYNOPSIS: We continue, stepping off the bus at a small house. Everything is beautiful, normal, except for the dome. People are beaming across the universe, and they don’t always get there.
EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL – Part Two

“Condemned”
CHERRY BLEEDS – JAN/FEB 2010
SYNOPSIS: Two souls continue to seek each other out over time regardless of the tragic outcome of each encounter.
CONDEMNED

“Honor”
COLORED CHALK #10 – Ten Commandments
SYNOPSIS: When you think of honoring thy mother and father I’m sure this isn’t what comes to mind.
HONOR

“Everything is Beautiful” – Part One
TROUBADOUR 21
SYNOPSIS: Revenge is a dish best served cold. At the end of the universe some strange things are happening. In the shadow of a mysterious tower John Harrison tries to figure out a riddle, but he has help.
EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL – Part One

“Interview”
TROUBADOUR 21
SYNOPSIS: Sometimes living in the suburbs you find yourself neglected, bored and in search of a new hobby. When one man discovers that his wife is no longer interested in him, he turns his eye towards the nearby high school. Is he just gardening or is something more sinister happening to the babysitters?
INTERVIEW

“Your Enemies Will Devour You”
THE ODDVILLE PRESS
SYNOPSIS: Based on the seven deadly sins, and more specifically the sins of the father, we see how one man deals with a variety of challenges.
YOUR ENEMIES WILL DEVOUR YOU

“Paying Up”
COLORED CHALK #8 – Broken Clocks
SYNOPSIS: Visiting a strip club a man has a hard time dealing with guilt and the moment. In the end, we see why.
PAYING UP

“A Bird in the Hand”
3:AM MAGAZINE
SYNOPSIS: You know the old saying – a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Well, that can mean a lot of things, and when his mistress comes knocking, ohw does one man deal with this intrusion?
A BIRD IN THE HAND

“Three Mistakes”
WORD RIOT
SYNOPSIS: Sometimes that’s all it takes, three mistakes to fall from grace, to lose it all, and maybe realize too late, that you had a pretty good life.
THREE MISTAKES

“Maker of Flight”
CHIZINE
WINNER of the 2009 “Enter the World of Filaria” contest
SYNOPSIS: In this contest, we were given the challenge of adding to the vivid and futuristic world that Brent Hayward created. In 1000 words, you were to find a way to insert a short piece of fiction that could stand alone, and also add to the world of Filaria. In Brent’s words:“That was a really nice piece you wrote, and in my head now it’s somehow forever tangled up in Filaria.”
MAKER OF FLIGHT

“Twenty Dollar Bill”
COLORED CHALK #7 – MacGuffins for Hire
SYNOPSIS: I’ve been fascinated by the idea of following something to see where it goes, how it effects those it comes in contact with, such as a kiss, money, a disease, an act of random kindness. A bit of an homage to the movie TWENTY BUCKS, we see where a twenty dollar bill goes when it changes hands.
TWENTY DOLLAR BILL

“Freedom”
NEFARIOUS MUSE
SYNOPSIS: This was a contest and I came in second place. Didn’t have enough resources I guess! :-) What is that line? “Freedom’s just another word for, nothing left to lose.” I think that was Janis wasn’t it?
FREEDOM

“Unzipped”
DOGMATIKA
SYNOPSIS: What happens when you find a girl that lives up to all of your sexual fantasies? Good times, right? Maybe for awhile. In the end, if that’s all there is, what was once a depraved heaven quickly descends into a tortuous hell.
UNZIPPED

“Amazement” -
COLORED CHALK #5 – Sins of the Father
SYNOPSIS: They are often visited on the son.
AMAZEMENT

“Fringe”
COLORED CHALK #4 – Big Brother in My Pocket
SYNOPSIS: It’s only paranoia if it isn’t true.
FRINGE

“Fallible” -
COLORED CHALK #3 – After the Fire
SYNOPSIS: Fire, in the right hands it can do wonders. But in the wrong hands, of an irresponsible and lazy man, sometimes the worst possible thing can happen.
FALLIBLE

“Committed”
COLORED CHALK #2 – Cockroaches Ate the Ending
SYNOPSIS: You don’t always have to wrap a story up in a bow and end it. Sometimes you can lead the audience right up to the edge and walk away. Committed can mean several things – it can mean you are focused on doing something, your chipc are all in, or it can also mean you have been put away due to mental illness. Why not both?
COMMITTED

“Steel-Toed Boots”
COLORED CHALK #1 – Two Guys Enter a Bar, One Leaves
SYNOPSIS: The theme of the debut issue of CC kind of says it all.
STEEL-TOED BOOTS

“Animal Magnetism”
OPIUM MAGAZINE
SYNOPSIS: My first published short story. I don’t often try my hand at bizarro, but this was a fun story to write. So, you have a small penis and want something bigger and better to satisfy your girlfriend with. An elephant dick sounds like the solution? But why stop there?
ANIMAL MAGNETISM